Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
