I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
