I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
