I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
