I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
