hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
