Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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