I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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