i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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