i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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