i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
