it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
