those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
a search helicopter?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
