it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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