I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
