That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize