My Higher Power is John Stamos
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
