I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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