I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
