Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
