Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
