Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
