I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
