I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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