i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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