Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
