Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
