Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no you cant smoke seaweed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
