Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
