i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
