i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
