Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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