Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
