Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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