Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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