Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
