We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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