seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
