this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
