my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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