My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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