weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize