there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize