I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
