her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
