I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
