got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
