Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
