I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize