well most of my day revolves around power hour
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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