How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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