It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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