the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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