don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
