Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
As shirtless as possible
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
