I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
