brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
