My hand turned me down
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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