I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
