Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I forget how to act sober
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