FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
