This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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