So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think people are normalizing furries
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
