I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
