What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
