I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
