Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
