Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
