it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
