Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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